Let's talk about parenting styles. From my experience as a mother, I know that we all want to help our children become the best versions of themselves, confident and capable of facing adversity.
I say this because in my search for that well-being, and without being a psychologist, I have had the opportunity to read and learn about our role.
Parenting turns us into protectors, caregivers, and sometimes, obsessives about our children's safety.
Today, I want to bring you a topic that I know will interest you, simply because at some point, we have all become "those moms," even if only in small doses.
Read on to discover what kind of mom you are, and hand on heart, cherish the experience because caring for our children is a true privilege.
Democratic Mom
A democratic mom is one who uses dialogue to solve everything. If you are this type of mom, you will allow your child to express themselves freely and will be able to reach beneficial agreements for everyone in the home.
You provide your child with tools for self-defense and project confidence. You will have highly creative children thanks to your parenting style.
You are a calm mom who trusts your children's good judgment and discretion without neglecting your watchful, supportive, and educational role.
Nurturing Mom
Very similar to the democratic mom, but with an extra commitment in her actions. As a nurturing mom, you will encourage, support, and allow your child to follow the path they choose, without forgetting that you will always be there for him/her.
You are a positive mother who instills values by example, and above all, you are a genuinely happy mother. You have balanced your life in such a way that you will never have to resort to the word "sacrifice" to project love onto your children.
You generate respect and encourage them to bring out the best in themselves. Nurturing mothers are conciliatory and easily reach agreements; your family structures are strong and are the protective shield that will accompany your child on their life's journey.
You will never thwart your child's dreams and will teach them not to give up in the face of adversity.
Permissive Mom
The permissive mom says yes to everything just so her child doesn't throw a tantrum in the middle of the mall.
Of course, the child has decoded that after the tantrum comes the reward and adopts this mechanism to get everything they want. The mother, for her part, is convinced that by indulging them in everything, she will avoid future traumas for her children.
Although you may not intend to become this type of mom, you should know that you are probably raising children who will be controlling in the future, so be careful.
Patient Mom
This mom has a bit of the permissive mom in her, but with the difference of offering time for the child to react to their actions and constantly uses dialogue to resolve problems.
If you are this type of mom, you are clear that you don't like conflicts and will always prefer to wait for your child to calm down before talking and sorting things out.
Congratulations, you're doing it right!
The Moms We Don't Want to Become
We are entering territory that we might not want to address, especially because at some point in our lives, and out of love for our children, we have fallen into these kinds of behaviors, which does not mean that we are like this most of the time.
I am convinced that if you are reading this blog post, it's because you want to be the best mom for your child, but you also want to maintain balance and calm in difficult moments. Our responsibility as mothers will last a lifetime, and what better than to learn now about the behaviors that will benefit our babies in aspects such as emotion management, attachments, and dependencies.
So, without further ado, let's begin:
Dominant Mom
A dominant mom imposes rules that must be followed to the letter. Children of dominant mothers are insecure most of the time and seek the approval of others.
This type of mom tends to be a perfectionist; her children must excel at everything: grades, sports, playing an instrument, and even mastering a second language at an early age. Generally, children of dominant moms easily get frustrated when they cannot meet the expectations she imposes.
A dominant mom tends to justify all her children's bad actions because she is convinced that she has raised them with values, but under the strictest of regimes. That's why she is unable to see that her children, in a sneaky way, commit aggressions towards other children.
Over time, she will become a castrating, irritating, and choleric mother.
Possessive Mom
This is a jealous mom who constantly seeks her child's attention because she feels they are her property. This type of mom loves to control every detail.
She will be the classic meddling mother-in-law who will dispute her son's affection and enter into a draining competition so as not to lose him.
She will find a thousand ways to get his attention and will always make it clear that in her son's life, she will come first, and then other women.
The possessive mom, very similar to the dominant mom, is authoritarian and will do everything in her power to ensure her child never leaves the nest.
Projected Mom
The projected mom is a bit like the dominant one, but here the main argument is to perpetuate herself through her children.
This mom wants to live through them; she wants ballerinas, tennis players, or lawyers because she couldn't achieve that dream.
Aggressive Mom
She tends to lose her temper easily; she is perfectly capable of yelling at her child in front of many people if she gets angry because they won't buy the toy they want.
This type of mom's behavior is absolutely not justifiable, but many of her actions are related to the type of upbringing she herself received, where it was permissible for her mother to spank, insult, or give the famous "slipper slap."
In the same way, she will be predisposed to resort to aggression to raise her child.
Apprehensive Mom
This mom suffers from excessive worry about everything that surrounds the child. She thinks about the possible dangers that might be lurking around her children and freaks out.
She has no life of her own, she lives for her children every day of the week and falls into mistaken perceptions of a hero mom, victim mom, and self-sacrificing mom, depending on the situation, to manipulate them.
This mother's overprotection also encourages insecurities in her children, with the added ingredient of making them incapable of performing many tasks that "Mommy" would prefer to do for them so they don't get hurt.
As you can see, there are many types of moms, and we would wish to be perfect so as never to cause our children pain, but the only thing we can do is flow and learn. Therefore, it is important that you:
- Be a happy and fulfilled woman as an individual. Remember that when you are in emotional balance, it is impossible for you to pass on your childhood traumas to your children.
- Seek emotional well-being to learn to let go when the time comes.
- Do not resort to blackmail and manipulation in raising your children.
- Skillfully understand what your children need from you.
- Do not fill emotional deficiencies with gifts; there are ways to be a nurturing mother without always resorting to presents.
- Do not forget that your personality will have a lot to do with how you raise your children, so if anything in your upbringing is negatively entrenched, work on change and improvement so that you don't project it onto your children.
As mothers, we have an extremely important role in our children's lives, and we would be naive to say that we haven't, at least in small doses, adopted some of these characteristics. Don't lose your calm, that doesn't make you any less in your role.
Tell me what you thought of this blog post. Have you identified with any of the mom roles? I would love to know what you think and for us to exchange impressions to learn, improve, and lead by example.
I love and admire you,
Andrea Vazart.
