Our children are a valuable source of learning; while they receive love and discipline from us, we learn every day from the experiences we share with them.
Creating an emotional bond with them becomes the main premise of attachment parenting, just as developing self-control and self-discipline in our children is the main goal of positive discipline.
As I said in a previous blog post, I am not an expert; I simply share information with you lovingly from my experience as a mother, as both attachment parenting and positive discipline have helped in my transformation into a loving and respectful mother of my daughter's needs.
Creating the bond
It is true that parenting styles have changed over the years.
As we learn much more about the reasons behind our children's behavior at different stages of their lives, we discover that attachment parenting is a whole world full of love that will initiate their beautiful existence.
Our role in each of these stages is essential, and it is why we should attach so much importance to the connection and bond we must establish with them even before they arrive. That is why attachment parenting also represents the balance between your baby's needs and yours, as a woman and mother.
Preparing to create an emotional bond with our children through the relationships we build with them is a challenge that we will gladly take on if we know from the beginning what expectations we, as parents, must meet.
We are their caregivers
And that makes us absolutely responsible for attachment parenting from the love and assertiveness with which we understand the needs of our babies.
They don't cry out of whims; crying is a form of communication in which they are trying to let us know that they are cold, hungry, sick, or have some other need.
Learn to understand your child's needs so that you can help them develop their abilities. There will be no greater source of pride for you than when you start to see them doing things on their own thanks to the solid structures you have offered them through attachment parenting and positive discipline.
Establishing positive relationships
Undoubtedly, these become the emotional scaffolding that will help them self-regulate in the future.
And you might ask yourself, "Why are we entering the realm of positive discipline if we were just talking about attachment parenting?" Well, because these cannot be divided or applied expecting to have a perfect context for each.
You should know that positive relationships are established from the beginning and are fostered over time.
Emphasis on motivation
Motivation is an engine and a force that will accompany our children for the rest of their lives, but it depends a lot on the seed we have sown in them from their earliest days.
Attachment parenting offers the opportunity to use motivation to strengthen self-confidence and self-actualization in our children, as by being present as parents in their early years, we will raise secure and independent children.
Communication and teaching life skills
Just as motivation is a fundamental factor in attachment parenting, communication and skill teaching complete a virtuous circle of love, commitment, and dedication to our children, making them feel loved, valued, and respected.
Thanks to these factors, you will raise children with deep empathy towards the society around them and they will understand that, as part of it, respect for others and for themselves will be fundamental.
Attachment parenting and positive discipline help you raise children who:
- Listen to others
- Are capable of initiating a conversation thanks to the confidence that emanates from their own abilities
- Ask the right questions thanks to their infinite capacity for learning and discovering the world around them
- Are grateful to their parents, teachers, and friends because they have learned that life is full of moments to be happy
- Can put themselves in others' shoes (empathy)
- Use assertiveness to channel and convey their emotions through words
- Will be able to apologize once they are fully aware that they have made a mistake
Working on beliefs is much more important than working on behavior
This is as true as instilling values and norms. Working on beliefs will allow you to take the path of positive reinforcement instead of punishment. It is not a good idea to resort to rewards or punishments as the situation presents itself to make your child understand their behavior, and my words may sound harsh, but your child is not a puppy to be rewarded or punished.
Positive discipline precisely deals with conflicts differently, so that your child understands the consequences of their actions without the need for punishment and, above all, so that they can learn through your example.
If you focus on educating with love and working on your child's beliefs regarding issues such as racism, homosexuality, authoritarianism, and also completely eliminating limiting beliefs like "I can't," you will never have to emphasize their behavior, because you will have worked on their beliefs to such an extent that they will be able to live in society and harmony, respecting others and themselves.
Treat others as you would like to be treated
The basic principles of life will be present in the upbringing of our children and will be the pillars on which the application of positive discipline is based. And if, for some reason, you were not treated by your parents as you would have liked, I invite you not to try to replicate that model with your children.
Learn to control your negative emotions in front of your baby; it is not a good idea for them to see you crying, shouting, or throwing things, even if you are going through an unexpected circumstance. Treat them with the love, affection, and respect with which you would have wanted to be treated.
Instinct will help us be better mothers
It is said that instinct is a magical condition that we develop much more after motherhood, and we don't know to what extent it is true, but I am sure you will tell me that at some point it helped you to foresee if your baby had been exposed to a potential danger, and thanks to your instinct, you saved them; it is protection at its finest.
Instinct is a broad enough concept to encompass many aspects of human beings, but for our purposes, which is attachment parenting and positive discipline, it becomes our best ally, as it makes us nurturing, protective, foresightful, and proactive mothers. This contribution will be enormous in understanding our children's needs much more easily and acting effectively.
Love without attachments
Perhaps it will be difficult for you to detach from the concept that love is giving everything unconditionally, allowing your baby to be the center of your world, where there are no restrictions. However, it is important for you to know that even if you want to put the universe at their feet, there are healthy ways to give love and maintain emotional balance so that they can connect with happiness and a better understanding of their surroundings.
I hope this blog post has been useful to you. Before I go, I want to leave you with some tips that I know will help you successfully work on attachment parenting and positive discipline:
- Let's be supportive of each other, without criticism, creating a support network where the only beneficiaries will be our babies.
- Share responsibilities as parents; not only the mother should be immersed in the parenting process, fathers must exercise their fatherhood.
- Attachment theory says that our children will establish strong bonds with us from birth and that actions such as breastfeeding or carrying them in our arms will further strengthen that bond; don't worry if for some reason you cannot breastfeed them, remember that the best food for your baby is what you give with love.
- Sleep is an ideal time to implement attachment parenting, and your baby will perceive that they are not alone. Give yourself the opportunity to keep them close during these first months of life.
- Remember that crying is their language; try to understand it in their early years.
- Punishment weakens the connection; try to use positive discipline so that you don't have to resort to punishing them, and never force them to apologize if they have not first fully realized that a mistake was made.
- Take into account what your child thinks and feels; help them channel their emotions.
Attachment parenting and positive discipline strengthen emotional bonds, but it is a daily and constant job to find the balance between rules and needs, between family and personal life; do not forget that you also matter and that, if you are emotionally well, you will be able to enhance all this learning and live the best of motherhoods.
A hug to all,
Andrea Vazart.
