Calm down! It's just a tantrum.
Many mothers get anxious when they don't know what to do when children demand attention through effective mechanisms like tantrums.
Find out why they resort to them.
What is frustration?
The first thing we need to know is that children exhibit this kind of behavior due to a feeling: frustration.
Frustration (as we just mentioned) is a feeling that appears when a child cannot achieve something. Their way of expressing it is through anger, irritability, and anxiety.
But not only children experience frustration; adults can also experience this kind of feeling. However, for the topic at hand, we will focus our attention on the frustration and tantrums of our children.
Age matters
You should know that the period when your children's tantrums are most concentrated is between 2 and 4 years of age.
The reason? Like all human beings, your child is beginning to experience feelings of anger and frustration that they will channel through tantrums. So, at some point within this age range, you can consider them normal.
The important thing is for you to discover, through your support, the reason for these tantrums. They might be feeling frustrated when something doesn't work out, not feeling heard, or experiencing some discomfort or ailment.
So, try to be attentive to these causes so you can help them without losing control.
Your support and patience count
It is essential that you know that your child will learn through your love and willingness to help them in these kinds of situations.
Apparently, children of parents who excessively allow such situations, as well as those who are too strict, tend to exhibit this type of behavior from their children more frequently and for a longer time.
This means that while tantrums normally disappear between 4 and 5 years of age, for children with overly permissive or excessively strict parents, they could prolong much longer and adopt the mechanism of tantrums and fits to get everything they want, exceeding the age limit considered normal for these displays.
Educating without punishment
First of all, you should know that your child does not throw tantrums to drive you crazy or exasperate your patience. They resort to them because it is their way of expressing frustration about something that is happening to them.
They might be learning to manipulate an object and the result is not what they expect; it could also happen that they depend on you for many things, or that, for some reason, you say NO to one of their requests and this irritates them a bit.
Resorting to punishment is not the right way, and I want to leave you some tips that could serve as a tool when educating your child:
- In the face of the situation, do not lose your calm and look for a way to learn and extract the positive from the situation, so you can be prepared for future episodes.
- Control emotions, both your own and the child's; identify them, know what caused the conflictual situation.
- Anticipate: approach them with affection, redirect their anger gently and without lecturing them.
- Lower your voice, explain what might happen and how to act.
- Empathize, let them know that you understand what they want but that it's something that cannot be, that there is another option, that it is dangerous.
Taken from: https://www.lanacion.com.ar/lifestyle/6-tips-para-educar-sin-castigos-nid2095709
Expert consulted: Dr. Nora Zonis, Pediatrician, Swiss Medical Center.
You are their role model
If you keep this clear in your mind, you will understand from the beginning that for tantrums and the management of frustration, there is also a solution, and that instead of joining the chaos, you can emerge triumphant from the situation while supporting your child.
Don't leave them alone. Many parents do this and send them to their rooms until the episode ends, but the appropriate thing to do is to accompany them so they know that you are willing to help them until everything passes and that they can always count on you. Being alone in a room can reinforce a feeling of abandonment.
Remember that this is a temporary stage, but no less important for it. The assertiveness with which you handle the situation today will help you raise a child who, in the future, will know how to navigate situations where frustration predominates, and it will also prevent them from suffering from anxiety.
Anxiety could develop if you instantly provide what the child demands, and when you can't, you'll have a full-blown tantrum spectacle on your hands.
From these situations also stem impatience and impulsivity as the child learns that this mechanism helps them get what they want in the shortest time. If it doesn't happen that way, the aforementioned symptoms could appear in your child's life.
We hope this information is useful to you and that you tell us how you have been handling your child's frustration.
We are here for you!
Andrea Vazart
